Epic Rap Battles of Zootopia
by Heathocracy
Summary: Nick Wilde VS. Robin Hood, Judy Hopps VS. Lola Bunny, and more to come if I get inspired!
1. Nick Wilde VS Robin Hood

**A/N: Please don't judge me for this! It started as a joke but then actually got kinda good...so I decided to post it. Enjoy!**

 _ **EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY**_ _!_

 _ **NICK WILDE**_

 _ **VS.**_

 _ **ROBIN HOOD**_

 _ **BEGIN!**_

 **Nick Wilde:**

"Well _oo-da-lally_ , look what the Mouse dragged in  
A campy fox leading a pack of 'merry' men?  
Dressed like Peter Pan, think you fool me, PLEASE  
I can tell Little John takes care of your 'bear necessities'

You're a cash-grab rip off, I'm an original story  
I drive fans Wilde, your sub-par writing bores me  
I went from a hustlin' player to a cop arresting mayors  
You couldn't rob old fools without help from your bear.

I know that every town has its ups and downs  
But in this battle I'm beating you straight into the ground  
You're washed up, Robby, you fall flat as a lead  
My rhyme skills soar past you coming out in 3D."

 **Robin Hood:**

"Okay, tell me if this sounds familiar, Nick  
A sly smug fox pulling a silver tongue shtick  
With a tragic past, no family, an oppressive upbringing  
Where the harshness of the world left his little heart stinging

Come on now, know why it sounds so familiar, kit?  
Because before you were _thought of_ I already mastered it!  
You call yourself original, you're just a second rate con  
I was hustling the fuzz DECADES before you, son

You're a one-hit-wonder, I'm a classic work of art  
I beat out Kevin Costner _and_ Russell Crowe for the part  
And as a fellow fox, Nick, gotta say I'm quite embarrassed  
to see a meat-eater with a fetish for _Carrots_."

 **Nick Wilde:**

"Robby, don't fool yourself, you think you're still in the game?  
Whoopsies, everyone under _40_ thinks that you're lame  
Your "timeless story?" Double whoopsies, it was rotten  
And whoopsies number threesies, now you're all but forgotten

I make my fans swoon, breakin' hearts with my smirk  
You managed to pull a few fast ones on a thumb-sucking jerk  
There's nothing exciting about your predictable tale  
Fight a prince, save the girl, 'the hero never fails'

That's BORING, I'm over your goody-two-shoes act  
I broke records, stereotypes and tropes, check the facts  
Dispatch? Officer Wilde moving in, no need for back-up  
Cuz against me, this perp has no chance to stack up."

 **Robin Hood:**

"Now you listen here you little smug faced twit,  
I've had just about enough of your deplorable wit!  
You're a petty little liar, always hustling innocents  
I risked my _very life_ to overthrow that Prince!

You stole for yourself, I stole for the oppressed  
You're a selfish little brat who never learned how to dress  
Sure, you did turn your life around in the end  
But cripes! "Felony tax evasion" did you in!

I never got caught, and I came out on top  
You got owned by a fuzzy little rent-a-cop!  
When it comes to rap battles, Nick you're ill equipped  
Cuz' like your bunny girlfriend, seems I've got you _whipped_."

 _ **WHO WON?**_

 _ **WHO'S NEXT?**_

 _ **YOU DECIDE!**_

 _ **EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!**_


	2. Judy Hopps VS Lola Bunny

**A/N: I had this one rolling around in my head for a while. I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

 ** _EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY_** _!_

 ** _JUDY HOPPS_**

 ** _VS._**

 ** _LOLA BUNNY_**

 ** _BEGIN!_**

 **Lola:**

Why, Judy Hopps, so nice finally meet you  
Probably not nice for you, since I'm here to beat you  
You became a cop, sure, but let's drop the act, hun  
You're just the Disney version of Affirmative Action

A little thing like you doesn't deserve the spotlight  
Nothing to show off, so why's your outfit so tight?  
A bunny needs curves, Judy, so flaunt what you got  
Oh, sorry hun, you'll never come close to this hot

I've got the skills to pay the bills, with looks to boot  
I make you look childish, little Officer Toot Toot  
So go back to the toy store where you'll finally fit in  
Before I slam dunk you in the nearest trash bin

 **Judy:**

It's _Officer Hopps_ , only my friends call me Judy  
Top of my class, here to serve some bunny booty  
When this bunny's on duty no criminal can last  
I'm too fast, cleaning these streets of mammal trash

Bullet proof vested, real world tested  
Rhymes so dangerous I should be arrested  
Me and against you, no surprise that you're bested  
What good are you other than being big chested?

It's distressing, how your acting's depressing  
Your laughable career's shorter than the crap you're dressed in  
You had one role, and it wasn't good at all  
Fake plastic eye candy, I'll just call you _Doll_.

 **Lola:**

Don't call me _Doll_ , you pretentious little doe  
I've got more popularity in my little bunny toe  
You're a prude and a sham, conservative and precious  
Don't pick at my clothes, we both know you're jealous

'Cuz this bunny's got money, looks and fans galore  
I'm glamorous, amorous, I leave 'em wanting more  
Not afraid to show some fur, to use my assets for me  
I got that body that your foxy little boyfriend wants to see

So watch me take him and all the fans you couldn't keep  
And leave your emotional self under a bridge to weep  
Once I step on the scene, I'll win this battle you can bet  
'Cuz whatever Lola wants, I can promise Lola gets

 **Judy:**

Where do you get off calling me a sham?  
The only place we know you from is _Space Jam_  
That flop of a movie where you 'rounded out the team'  
And now all you are is just some furry's wet dream

No one takes you seriously, I earned their respect  
I don't want to look like you, I've got a rep to protect  
I worked hard to get my spotlight, and I don't want to share it  
You got where you are by nibbling the right carrot

I give people a heroine they can all look up to  
A symbol that hard work really gives what is due  
You're just a trophy, sitting on the Warner Bros shelf  
Anyone can be anything, so why'd you choose to be yourself?

 ** _WHO WON?_**

 ** _WHO'S NEXT?_**

 ** _YOU DECIDE!_**

 ** _EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!_**


	3. Mayor Lionheart VS Prince John

**A/N: I'm stoked you guys are enjoying these! This suggestion came from three different people after my last one, so I hope you enjoy it! Drop me a PM or a review to cast your vote for the next one!**

* * *

 _ **EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY**_

 _ **MAYOR LEODORE LIONHEART**_

 _ **VS**_

 _ **PRINCE JOHN**_

 _ **BEGIN!**_

 **Prince John:**

"Hear ye, hear ye, all who fall under my rule  
Apart from my absent brother, never seen a bigger fool  
But bravo, Lionheart, you got voted as a Mayor  
But now you're up against a _Prince_ , and it hardly seems fair

My lineage is royal, my rightful place the throne  
A monarch for the ages, and I got here on my own  
I snatched up the kingdom, I blazed the trail myself  
And no one stands before me, no match to my wealth

The citizens fear my power, my subjects kneel before me  
I rule with an iron fist, their complaints merely bore me  
I stand tall upon the throne, despised and yet respected  
Behind me sits a mountain of all the taxes I've collected

Your silly little city can't compare to my domain  
All of history will remember the authority of my name  
You're nothing to me, cub, you need to learn your place  
Before me, kneeling, in the shadow of my grace."

 **Mayor Lionheart:**

"I'm Leodore Lionheart, twice the lion you are  
Making politics an art, winning hearts near and far  
Your citizens hate you, your rule is too unfair  
I won the popular vote, you couldn't win in solitaire

You're a whiney little chump, still attached to your mother  
And the only shadow I see here belongs to your brother  
You stole a kingdom from him while he was at war  
And you taxed them to death and then beat them for more

I'm the emcee from the mean streets, turning projects to profits  
Rose from the bottom, now I'm alpha, John you can't top this  
Charm the crowd, lead the masses, yeah nothing can stop this  
Polls are in, I'll take the win, so you might as well drop this

Cuz the mammals all love me, I hear them shout my name  
There's no other above me, you just can't top my fame  
Trying to step against me, John you must be insane  
Just a thumb-sucking lion cub who can't grow a mane."

 **Prince John:**

"Don't think you've won, Leo, you really should hush  
You don't even have a pair, and I'm a _Royal Flush  
_ Look at the hand I've been dealt, read 'em and weep  
You can't beat me, you got out-foxed by a _sheep_!"

 **Mayor Lionheart:**

"My Mammal Inclusion Initiative produced great results  
While your joke policies merely earn you insults  
You eventually lost your throne to a motley crew  
Couldn't handle the Hood, now I'm beating you too."

 ***** _ **ROOOOOOAAAAR**_ *****

 ***John and Lionheart both tremble in fear***

 _ **What was that roar…a shining light from behind them…**_

 _ **It's…**_

 _ **It's…**_

 _ **MUFASA!**_

 _ **BEGIN!**_

 **Mufasa:**

"I'm tired of hearing you two cubs try to rap  
So let me show you how a _real_ lion should act  
I got that strong paw, strong jaw, I'm ready to fight  
Don't be surprise when I beat you, it's just the Circle of Life

I stand tall, I'm majestic, glory flowing from my mane  
and all I have to do is _ROAAAR_ and I make it rain  
It's insane when Mufasa steps up into the game  
I'm unequaled, unrivaled, this lion's not tame

You both should learn respect for the land and those you serve  
Because ruling is a blessing, and one neither of you deserve  
You live for your subjects, and you die for your lands  
You strive for unity, because united we stand

So sit back and take notes from a superior beast  
Before I put you in the ground for the antelope to eat  
If you want to stick around you should bow at my feet  
Or get out of my savannah if you can't take the heat

All the animals obey me, and my enemies hide  
My lands are bountiful, my lineage my Pride  
I won't keep you in the dark, this lion gets things done  
Because everything the light touches is _my_ kingdom."

 _ **WHO WON?**_

 _ **WHO'S NEXT?**_

 _ **YOU DECIDE!**_

 _ **EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!**_


End file.
